Like Father Like Son

Introduction:

A. Review last week

1. What God says is more important than what you think

2. Who you are is more important than what you are

3. What you do is because of you.

4. Knowing how to live is more important than making a living

5. Everything in this life is nothing, if you don’t make it to the next life

B. Last week was the WHAT, this week is the HOW TO

C. Preliminary Principles

1. Children are a heritage of the Lord (Ps 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”)

2. Parents are responsible for their children (Deut. 6:4-6; Eph. 6:1-3)

a. Not the state

b. Not the church

3. Children are conceived with a sin nature (Ps. 51:5)

a. Not a blank slate, tabula rasa, or innocent, or good

b. You don’t have to teach them to lie, to shift the blame

4. Proper concept of authority

a. Authority is NOT a dirty word, though those in the 60s thought so

b. God hates rebellion. God establishes authority. Our culture has it all turned around. They hate authority and promote rebellion

c. Society shifted from authoritarian to permissive. We are now trying to shift back, but are finding it difficult. Once the seeds of permissiveness are sown, they are difficult to uproot.

d. Warped concept of individuality which has made it “wrong” to “impose” our values on anyone, even our own children. Parents, teachers, etc. rather than being authority figures are at best facilitators, and at worst dictators.

e. Authority is needed. It does not squelch out individuality. It only keeps individuality in check so that it doesn’t become hedonism and narcissism.

I. Power of Example (modeling)

A. Most things in life are “caught,” not “taught.”

B. Illus. What do you want your kids to learn? Reading, math, honesty, integrity. As you make the list, you will find that the most important things on the list can not be taught in a formal setting, but must be “caught” through modeling.

C. The good side of this principle is that if you demonstrate the right kind of life, your kids will have a good chance of “catching it.” The negative side is that they also “catch” the negatives in your life.

1. Illus. Abraham’s lie to Pharaoh in Egypt was repeated by Isaac.

2. Illus. Your seemingly harmless indiscretions will be noticed by your kids

3. Illus. Your generosity will also be picked up by your kids

D. Deut. 6:4-6

1. Situational teaching

2. Formal teaching

II. Power of time

A. The myth of quality time. For situational teaching to take place, it can’t be programmed. It just happens as you spend time together. Now, don’t misunderstand me, the idea of quality time, is not bad if by quality time you are referring to making sure you are “there” when you are spending time with your kids. Many adults are physically present, but emotionally, mentally, engaged in other places. You need to be “with” your kids. But it is more than just a few quality moments. It takes quantity moments as well

B. Illus. Family re-union where the little blond haired girl said, “I wish you were my daddy.”

C. Family Circus cartoon (panel 1) “You can give your kids things” (panel 2) “You can give your kids time” caption beneath “Time is better”

D. Illus. David Jeremiah canceling speaking engagement to watch his son play basketball. His confrontation with a man who just “had” to speak to him. Man, “What? You’re going to a ball game when my life and marriage are falling apart?” DJ “Sir, there are five other pastors up there who can help you. But my boy only has one dad who can be there for him.”

E. The average dad spent less than 5 minutes verbally speaking to his kids

III. Power of Words

A. Prov. Get verses on tongue

B. Attack your child’s behavior, not the child.

C. Illus. Howard Hendricks’ visit to 14 year old delinquent

The boy invited him in and said, “I bet you’re thirsty. Would you like a drink? I’ll get you some water.” He came back with a peanut butter jar, not washed too well filled with water.

Just about that time his mother appeared and shouted, “Get outta here.” He dumped the whole thing right on Dr. Hendricks. Dr. Hendricks said, “I have rarely heard a woman¾or a man¾curse as she did. “That kid can’t do anything right.”

“You know lady, I hate to start this interview on a negative note, but I couldn’t disagree with you more. I’m proud of your boy.

“What do ya’ mean your proud of him? Look what he did to you.”

“Did you ever make a mistake? To be perfectly honest, if you had shouted at me the way you did him, I would have spilled that water too.”

“He can’t do anything right,” she repeated.

“As long as you continue to say ‘He can’t,’ he won’t.”

D. Kids need encouragement, praise, positive re-enforcement

1. Make much ado of good behavior, accomplishments

2. Never belittle them as persons even when they do wrong or fail to meet your standard

E. Children who didn’t get along with their dad were interviewed and of the 5 top reasons, 4 were related to the words that the father said

1. Father was always critical and seldom offered praise

· Illus. Game I had 16 points of teams 31 (13 years old) but my dad mentioned nothing about the good, only noticed the time I threw the ball away. (Note: my dad was good at being there. He umpired, did a mom’s and dad’s job. But I still remember that incident)

2. Never admit that he was wrong. When you blow it, tell your kid. They already know it and it helps them see that you are real and that will treat them like a person. When you don’t apologize, you are saying, “You’re not important enough as a person for me to have to apologize to.”

3. No time to listen to the child

4. Used degrading terms with the child

5. Compared the children in a negative manner

· Jacob and Esau

IV. Power of an early start

A. Pr. 13:24 “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”

B. Most of the personality is formed by age 5

1. Illus. Bent tree, easy to bend as a sapling, almost impossible once grown

2. Illus. Stiffening of the vocal chords

C. Value of a stay-at-home mom

1. Dr. Laura is right. You don’t need to be at work while someone else is raising your child

2. Illus. Personal. Lisa likes to work, done a lot of things, but we decided that she would stay home with the kids until they were at least school age

D. All studies show that all things being equal, kids with stay at home moms are more secure, better adjusted, and more likely to succeed and less likely to get in trouble.

V. Power of Discipline

A. Goal is to make them self-disciplined

B. Conquer the will

1. Susannah Wesley letter p. 213-215 in John R. Rice

2. Don’t belittle the person

C. Corporal punishment

1. “Rod”: neutral instrument, not too thick

2. There is a God designed location for its administration

3. Willful disobedience, not accidents or fits of immaturity

4. Not to be abusive

5. Not the only type of discipline available

6. There are those who see any form of corporal punishment as child abuse. It’s not right for a “big” person to inflict pain on a “little” person. I disagree and so does the Bible.

a) It is better to inflict a little physical pain now to prevent a greater heartache later

b) A doctor gives a child a shot (pain) in order to prevent a worse disease later.

c) Often child abuse is the result of waiting too long to administer corporal punishment. The parent is frustrated and then they lash out and hit the kid too hard or in the wrong place.

d) Pr 23:13 “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”

e) Most of the delinquency, rebellion, and general disrespect began at an early age when the child was not made to mind for fear of destroying his personality, creativity, etc. No, discipline keeps individuality from become selfish and narcissistic, it keeps creativity from becoming degraded, debased, sensual, and inappropriate.

D. Balance

1. Love/discipline

2. Corrective/preventive

3. Praise/rebuke

· Illus. Curriculum that was all praise

VI. Power of Boundaries

A. Illus. Fence on the playground

B. Illus. Rules in a game, boundaries on a court

VII. Power of a Proper Education

A. Responsibility is the parents

B. Choices:

1. Home school

2. Christian School

3. Private School

4. Charter School

5. Public School

C. Why I choose Home school or Christian school

1. Poor academics at public schools

a) 29% of all graduates are functionally illiterate

b) The Oregon teacher who graduated with A’s and B’s was later found to be functionally illiterate.

c) Chicago 3^rd grade teacher: “Put the following words in alfabetical order”

d) Chicago teacher on strike: “I teaches English”

e) 1 of 5 people ages 18 to 24 can’t find the US on a world map

f) 75% don’t know where the Persian Gulf is

g) 45% don’t know where Central America is

h) Christian Schools and Homeschoolers test over 1 grade level above in standardized achievement tests

i) Phonics vs. Whole language

· Non-phonics child can read 350 words of 1^st Grade, 1,000 2^nd Grade, 1,250 3^rd Grade 1,550 4^th grade. In phonics by the end of 1^st grade child can read app. 24,000 and 40,000 by the end of 4^th grade

2. Poor morals and values

a) Violence

(1) 282,000 physically attacked in secondary schools

(2) 110,000 teachers attacked

(3) 100 murders

(4) 9,000 rapes

(5) 12,000 armed robberies

(6) One Congressional study concluded “the prime concern of students and teachers in many public schools has become¾not education¾but self-preservation.

(7) Survey of 10,000 teachers from 28 states found that 24% used drugs regularly

b) Morals

(1) Sex education (180 hours in some cases), condoms on bananas

(2) 57% males sexually active

(3) 5^th grader who is shown in class how to put a condom on a banana without ever telling parents they were teaching this stuff. Prevent VD on fruit shouldn’t be high on the list of information for 5^th graders (It shouldn’t even be on the list!)

(4) NYC pamphlet Sexual Bill of Rights giving teens the right to decide whether to have sex and who to have it with

(5) David Blackenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values, thinks parents are quite intentionally left in the dark. Educational Bureaucrats “accept the proposition that parents are kind of backward, repressed, held back by religion, and have to be handled.”

c) Poor philosophy

(1) Student centered vs. Learning centered

(a) More about feelings, themselves vs. Objective facts and the outside world

(b) Fearful of giving low mark for hurting self-esteem vs. Expecting excellence in order to build self-esteem

(c) Competition frowned upon vs. Achievement encouraged through competition

(d) Objective standards rejected in lieu of politically correct standards of behavior vs. Objective standards

(2) Educators know better than parents what is good for their kids

· PA High school who wanted to withhold diplomas from two fundamentalist kids who did not want to read “Working” a book containing a chapter on prostitutes and a good deal of blasphemous language. In the end, the school board said, “with all deference due the parents, their sensibilities are not the full measure of what is proper education.”

(3) Expulsion of religion

(a) No book grades 1 to 4 contain one word referring to religion in contemporary American life

(b) Pilgrims are described entirely without reference to religion

(c) Indians, mother earth, etc. are given full-blown treatments

(d) Christian heritage is being stolen from our kids and no one is noticing

D. Conclusion:

(1) Most of these ideas percolating through the ed schools are leftovers from the 60s. “In every conceivable fashion, the reigning ethos of those times was a hostile to excellence in education.” Prof. Daniel Singal

(2) Quote from George Washington, “True Christianity affords government its surest support. The future of this nation depends on the Christian training of the youth. It is impossible to govern without the Bible.”

· EDUCATION FOR THE CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE GOD-CENTERED, BIBLE BASED, TRUTH ORIENTED, VALUE LACED. THIS CAN ONLY BE DONE IN THE HOME OR CHRISTIAN SCHOOL SETTING.

VIII. Power of Training

A. Explain what you want. Have a job description

B. Teach a child how to do what you expect. We often assume that they know what we want and how we want it done. They don’t! They need to be taught to hang up a coat, make a bed.

C. Rewards vs. Bribes

1. Rewards are positive re-enforcements for acceptable behavior

2. Bribes are paying a kid to behave in way he already knows he should or paying him to do something wrong.

D. Have in home training sessions

E. Mean what you say, Act

1. The screamer vs. The action oriented parent

2. Don’t threaten with an action you know you can’t or won’t follow through on

· Illus. “If you don’t come I’m going to leave you.” You know you won’t leave. What this does is tell the child that you don’t mean what you say. So, later, he gets confused when you do mean what you say or he doesn’t believe you.

F. Individuality

1. Illus. Jacob & Esau

2. Each child is different. You must learn to connect with each in his or her own way. This becomes difficult when you are a sports nut and your son is a chess player.