These are the basics for right relationships Building Bridges Over Troubled Waters
Text: Ephesians 5:21ff, 6:1-9
Introduction:
These are the basics for right relationships
Explain the context and the debate over 5:21. Is it the concluding verse of the previous paragraph or the topic sentence for the following paragraphs?
Sin causes
men to be chauvinistic
women to usurp the place of the man
children to disobey
parents to be abusive
employees to shirk their duties
employers to be tyrants
*note: involves a continual process. We all make mistakes, but this involves a lifestyle that is provocative toward the child, an on-going process
*Illus. John Lennon, Paul McCartney song, "She’s Leaving Home" While not endorsing rock music, note, however, the italicized phrase.
She’s Leaving Home
Wednesday morning at five o’clock as the day begins
Silently closing her bedroom door
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
She goes downstairs to the kitchen clutching her handkerchief
Quietly turning the backdoor key
stepping outside she is free.
She (We gave her most of our lives) is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives) home (We gave her everything money could buy)
She’s leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye.
Father snores as his wife gets into her dressing gown
Picks up the letter that’s lying there
Standing alone at the top of the stairs
She breaks down and cries to her husband
Daddy our baby’s gone.
How would she treat us so thoughtlessly
How could she do this to me.
She (We never thought of ourselves) is leaving (Never thought for ourselves) home (We struggled all of our lives to get by)
Friday morning at nine o’clock she is far away.
Waiting to keep the appointment she made
Meeting a man from the motor trade
She (What did we do that was wrong) is having (We didn’t know what was wrong) fun (Fun is the one thing that money can’t buy)
Something inside that was always denied
For so many years. Bye, bye.
She’s leaving home bye bye.
illus. mother whose daughter was a cheerleader and put out a "contract" on one of her daughter’s competitor’s life
Illus. learn principles of discipline to avoid physical abuse
Harry Chapin song "Cat’s in the Cradle"
Cat’s In the Cradle
My child arrived just the other day
he came to the world in the usual way--
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
he learned to walk while I was away
and he was talkin for I knew it and as he grew he’d say
I’m gonna be like you, Dad
you know I’m gonna be like you.
and the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
when you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when
but we’ll get together then--
you know we’ll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
he said, Thanks for the ball, Dad, com’on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw?
I said not today, I got a lot to do
He said, that’s okay
and he walked away but his smile never dimmed
it said I’m gonna be like him, yeah
you know I’m gonna be like him
and the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
when you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when
but we’ll get together then--
you know we’ll have a good time then.
Well he came home from college just the other day
so much like a man I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for awhile
He shook his head and said with a smile--
what I’d really like dad is to borrow the car keys
see you later, can I have them please?
When you comin’ home, Son?
I don’t know when
but we’ll get together then--
you know we’ll have a good time then.
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said, I’d love to Dad--if I could find the time
You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
but it’s sure nice talkin to you, Dad
It’s been nice talkin to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me--
he’d grown up just like me; my boy was just like me.
and the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
when you comin’ home, Son
I don’t know when
but we’ll get together then, Dad,
we’re gonna have a good time then.
*every study done shows that children do better when they have mom at home (security, confidence, grades)
DINKS is a term coined to describe childless couples who are both working (Dual Income No Kids). Their dual income will help them qualify for loans on their dream home and everything else their heart desires. The problem comes when baby arrives. If the mom chooses to stay home, then their income will be cut drastically and they may not be able to "afford" their present standard of living. If the mom chooses to continue working, then the child will not get the attention and care that he needs from his parents. Both scenarios are bad. In making the above decision, consider the following guidelines.
1. Learn to Live On the Husband's Income Alone Before You Have Children. If you are married, count on having children. Even if you are practicing birth control, remember, no form is 100% perfect. Therefore, you might as well prepare for the inevitable. In fact, it would be wise to live on the husband's income and save all of the wife's income until you have children. This will provide you with a nice nest egg when the first child is born.
2. As long as you have preschool age children, determine that the mom will stay at home with them. I realize that in the case of single mothers this may not be possible. But in two parent families, this should be the rule, not the exception. The early years of a child's life are the most important. Those are the formative years. A child will learn more in his first five years than in the rest of his life combined. Most of his personality will be formed during those preschool years. Therefore, it is imperative that a parent be there to play the vital role in the child's training. Your greatest obligation to your child is to train him how to live, not provide him with all of the comforts of life. Being there with him is more important than working for him.
In some instances, when parents work different shifts, it is possible for a parent to be with the child. However, even then I do not recommend this. It is difficult to work a forty hour job and still come home and be a full-time mother. It is physically demanding and emotionally taxing. Your time would be better spent forgetting the job and staying home with the kids.
3. When all of your children reach school age, then consider going to work while the kids are at school.
4. Evaluate how much a second income really pays. Consider the following example of how much a mom is actually bringing home if she is making $15,000 per year.
Gross salary $15,000
Giving ($1,500)
FICA ($1,125)
Taxes ($2,850)
Net Salary $9,525
Now let's take the net salary and deduct expenses associated with work.
Net salary $9,525
Transportation ($1,456)
Child care ($2,500)
Meals Out ($500)
Clothing ($500)
Net pay after expenses $4,569
This translates into $380.75 per month. On a forty hour a week job, this is $2.21 per hour. If you consider that you may eat out more often because mom is tired, then this figure drops lower. So, before taking or continuing that second job, consider the minimal financial benefit as compared to the great benefit of being at home with your child.
One final word, by staying at home, the mom will have the time to save money by searching coupons, fixing clothes instead of buying new ones, making dinner instead of eating out, and a host of other things to save money.
5. Consider working in the home. Many women are able to work part time in the home without sacrificing time with their children. If you have a hobby or skill that is conducive to this, then consider it. There are several organizations that help women who desire to start a business in their home. Check them out.
6. Remember your biblical duty to train up your child In the nurture and admonition of the Lord