Abraham & Sarah: A Marriage For the Nineties

(A Biblical or Cultural Marriage?)

Text: Gen. 12-16, 21-23

1 Pet. 3:1-8

Eph. 5:21-32

Titus 2:4-5

Introduction:

A. Read mythical letter by Dr. Dobson, p. 93-94 in Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives

B. Abraham and Sarah had a good marriage. Followed the precepts of Gen. 2:26 that we learned last week

1. Leaving

a. Left Ur of the Chaldees to go to the promised land

b. Took Terah, Abraham’s father, part way on journey

c. Stopped at Haran for either a few months or years

d. Terah died

e. God “re-called” Abraham and they left to finish the journey to the promised land

f. During a famine they fled to Egypt

g. Abraham’s lapse in lying

h. They leave and acquire an Egyptian slave girl

2. Cleaving

a. In a day of polygamy, Abraham had only one wife at a time! He remained faithful to her!

b. Their one big marriage lapse was HAGAR.

c. This lapse was at the request of Sarah

d. Lapse resulted in:

(1) Family heartache: expulsion of a son, bitterness and jealousy of Sarah

(2) National heartache as the descendants of each woman would become enemies

(3) Lapse of faith in God

3. Notice that their one big marriage failure (HAGAR) was the result of following cultural practices instead of the biblical practices

4. The culture saw polygamy as OK. The culture said that you could raise up children through your servant. Following the culture caused great grief to Abraham.

C. We could just preach on the wrong concepts of marriage in our culture: no-fault divorce, premarital co-habitation, open marriages, homosexual marriages, etc.

D. I want to focus this morning on 2 Biblical Principles for marriage exemplified by Abraham and Sarah. These two principles: One for the wife and one for the husband, run contrary to what you find in our culture.

E. Begin with the woman’s because that is where Scripture begins every time. (child, parent; slave, master; woman, man)

F. Good marriage depends less on finding the right partner, than being the right partner. Tell each partner what you ought to be!

I. Submission

A. What it is not

1. Inferiority

a) Jesus was submissive to the Father but He was not inferior to Him

b) I’m submissive to a policeman, but he’s not better than me

c) A 15 year old may be more intelligent than his father who dropped out of grade school, he may be more talented, but he still must obey his father.

2. Dictatorship

3. Passivity (lack of initiative, creativity) cp. Prov. 31

B. Verses

1. 1 Pet. 3:1-7: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

2. Eph. 5:22-24: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

3. Titus 2:4-5: “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

4. Don’t get mad at me, I just read the verses, get mad at God. Or, better yet, get mad at the godless feminists who have been “preaching” and pushing anti-biblical notions on women for the last 30 years.

C. Some Thoughts on Submission

1. Submission is to God first (Eph. 5:21). A woman who has a problem submitting to her husband first has a problem submitting to God

2. It is radical feminism, the idea that men and women are the same (difference between sameness and equality), that has hurt women

3. The best thing that ever happened to woman was Christianity and the application of biblical principles to society

4. A rebellious wife is no different than a rebellious teenager, employee, or citizen

5. A woman who fails to submit is asking her husband to fail in his duty to love, protect, honor, and support.

D. Why Submission?

1. Divine order

2. Win a lost husband

a) Love itself will not change a man’s heart

b) Note: Christian shouldn’t marry an unbeliever anyway

3. Demonstrate real inner beauty that is imperishable

a) Sarah was physically beautiful at age 65 (Pharaoh wanted her)

b) Inner beauty is “imperishable”

c) Prov. 31:30

d) If you want to keep your husband from running off with a younger gal when the wrinkles form and the gray hairs emerge, then you better develop some inner beauty

E. What is It?

1. Reverence (Attitude)

2. Obedience (Action) Note: marriage vows used to contain “to obey”

3. Ge 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

4. Pr 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

5. Pr 31:11 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”

6. 1 Co 7:34 “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

7. Eph 5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

8. 1 Pe 3:4 “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

II. Husbands Love your Wives

A. Types of Love

1. eroV: physical

2. fileoV: brotherly, familial

3. agaph: sacrificial, godly

4. Note: Need to do all three levels. Most men only care about the first level. Some get to the second level. Few reach the third level.

B. Man is the measure of love in a home

1. Women love naturally. Men, on the other hand, are taught to hide their emotions. Don’t cry. Be strong.

2. God tells men, LOVE with a sacrificial love

3. This is BIGGER than submission!

C. Demonstrate your love (cp. Rom. 5:8)

1. Affection

a) Touching

b) Holding hands

c) Kids need to see you “smooching” sometimes

2. Thoughtfulness

a) Remember the little things (and the big things)

b) Hold the door open, get her chair

(1) Illus. Girl who wouldn’t go on date because a guy wouldn’t get her door

(2) Youth director who left his wife standing in the parking lot because she wouldn’t get in without him getting the door

3. Respect

4. Kind Words

a) Verbal assurance of your love, appreciation. Say as well as do.

b) Compliment her appearance

c) Talk to her, communicate

(1) Some guys spend more time with the TV than their wife

· By the way, watching TV with you wife is not spending time with her. Conversing and watching TV are two mutually exclusive things

· TV is the greatest cause of family breakdown in America

(2) Man: “I prefer the radio to my wife. I can turn it off, ignore it. If I say something to it, it doesn’t talk back.”

D. The List: Ways to say I love you for those of you who have never had a romantic thought in your life. This is short, practical, in list form, with statistics, just like a guy likes it!

1. Send her a card telling her you’re thinking of her

2. Write her a poem

3. Use a jingle from a commercial and change the words

4. Videotape a love message and give her the tape

5. All during the day, make an audio tape with little tidbits like, “It’s 9:30 and I’m thinking of…” “It’s now 10:15, I’d love to be holding you.” “It’s noon, and I can’t wait to see you.” Then give her the tape.

6. Print up a story of one of your favorite times together and then have it framed or bound.

7. Take her on a date

8. Volunteer to watch the kids while she goes out

9. Give her a back rub, foot rub, neck rub

10. Write an “I love you from A to Z” letter using each letter of the alphabet to describe a good quality of hers

11. Cook dinner for her

12. Send her a telegram

13. Send her flowers

14. Stop on your way home from work and buy her a special dark (or other favorite treat)

15. Look into her eyes when you say, “I love you”

16. Tell her often that, “I’m glad I married you.”

17. Create a special “Wife” holiday (on a day different than her birthday or anniversary)

18. Watch the sunset (or sunrise) together holding hands

19. Sit on the same side of the booth at a restaurant

20. Open her door

21. Get her chair

22. Go on a picnic

23. Whisper something romantic to her in a crowded room

24. Eat ice cream by candle light after the kids go to bed

25. Share a milkshake with two straws

26. Brush her hair

27. Wink at her

28. Make her a bubble bath

29. Put notes in conspicuous places around the house telling her how beautiful she is

30. Compliment her a minimum of 7 different times during the day

Conclusion:

A. 10 Emotional needs of People

1. Affection

2. Conversation

3. Honesty/openness

4. Financial Support

5. Family commitment

6. Sexual fulfillment

7. Recreation

8. Attractiveness in spouse

9. Haven for a home

10. Admiration

B. Notice: The first 5 more for women, the second for men. They correspond well with submission and love. The submissive wife will meet her husband’s needs while the loving husband will meet his wife’s emotional needs.

C. Love bank illus. Begin making deposits today.