Honor Thy Parents

Introduction:

· The first four commandments dealt with our relationship to God

· This is the first of the commandments that deal with our relationship toward others

· It forms a bridge from God to man. Parents stand in the place of God for their kids

· This commandment lays the bedrock for societal and familial relationships

· When parents, who are the first and foremost authority, can be dishonored, then every form of authority can be rejected

· Common sense tells us we need some rules for preserving and strengthening family life. Statistics show family life is crumbling.

Ø The Columbine tragedy

Ø The Menendez brothers

Ø The Plain Dealer article on the mother with bedsores, etc.

I. Biblical Requirement to Honor Parents

A. OT Verses to consider

1. (Lev. 19:32) "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy god: I am the lord."

2. (Exo. 21:15-17) "And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death."

3. (Exo. 21:17) "And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death."

4. (Prov. 30:8)

B. NT Verses

1. (Matt. 19:19) "Honour thy father and thy mother: and, thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

2. (Eph. 6:2-3) "Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; {3} that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."

C. The Meaning of the Commandment

1. Two types of honor

a) Conditional: Earned

b) Positional: Comes from the virtue of the office

2. Honor includes the ideas of:

a) Respect

b) Obedience

c) Showing Deference

D. Four things this command does not require:

1. It does not require that we think our parents are perfect, because they aren’t. (Ro. 3:23)

2. It does not require us to believe our parents are always right, because they aren’t. (Ro. 3:10)

3. It does not require us to believe they are totally worthy of honor, because they don’t.

4. It does not mean we have to enjoy them or be like them.

II. The Reasons for the Commandment

A. The national reason.

1. This was for Israel.

2. A promise of long life in the land that God was giving them.

B. The spiritual reason.

(Col. 3:20) "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the lord."

1. We ought to honor our parents in order to honor and please the Lord.

2. It is the right thing to do.

(Eph. 6:1) "Children, obey your parents in the lord: for this is right."

3. Failure to honor parents is an indication of a spiritual problem

a) Some excuse such behavior by saying, ‘Oh well, they are teenagers....or that it is just a phase...." But the Word of God points out that it is an indication of someone who is lost.

b) (Ro. 1:30) "Backbiters, haters of god, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,"

c) (2 Ti. 3:2) "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,"

4. If you will dishonor parents, then you will dishonor God

C. The Practical Reason

1. Because this commandment carries with it a promise

2. Because one day you will want your children to honor you

3. Children learn how to respond to others by how we interact with them.

4. Good citizenship begins at home

III. How do we realize (perform) this command?

A. While under their authority

1. Obedience

2. Respect

a) Illus. Japanese have a holiday Keiro No Hi = “Respect For the Aged Day”

b) Manners

3. Communication

a) No generation gap, just an authority gap

b) Generation gap is a euphemism for rebellion

B. When out from under their authority

1. Do not show them up publicly

2. Take care of their needs when they can’t

3. Appreciation

4. Jewish Law calls for greater mourning for the loss of a parent than that of a spouse or child

a) First, the others could be “replaced”

b) Jewish mourning rituals

(1) Attendance at the funeral

(2) Participation in the intensive mourning rituals of Shiva

7 day period in which everyone stays home to recover from grief

(3) Recite the Mourners’ Kaddish daily for eleven months

(4) Recite the Kaddish annually at the synagogue and at home on the anniversary of the death and on major holidays

5. Frequent communication.

IV. Disrespect

A. “Dissing” is common today

1. Kids grown up on Beavis and Butt-head, Southpark, Dawson’s Creek

2. Everyone agrees that there has been a decline in the lack of respect given t adults

3. Reasons

a) Kids have not been taught or made to respect adults

(1) It must be taught and required

b) The concept of “equality” has been taken too far to make everyone equal

(1) We have Children’s rights on the same level as parental rights

c) Authority in general was questioned in the rebellious sixties

(1) Kids rebelled against parental authority

(2) Against institutional authority

(3) Against governmental authority

d) The rejection of absolutes has made it difficult to argue for any authority

e) The elevation of self over others makes respect and honor more difficult. If I am the most important, why should I even bother to honor you with a honorable tag?

f) Parents themselves do not have any respect or honor toward others

(1) If you “dis” others, your kids will pick it up

(2) Illus. The appalling nastiness of parents at their kids athletic contests. Last year at a softball tournament I did, the police had to be called to breakup a fight between parents!

g) Popular psychology has tried to take away personal responsibility

(1) Thus, every “bad” trait or deed in a person is blamed on someone or something else, often the parents

(2) Parents have been faulted for their children’s neurosis

B. Disrespect is an outward sign of inward rebellion

V. Rekindling respect (Eph. 6:1-4)

A. Parents must teach respect

1. Two types of honor or respect

a) One is earned

b) One is positional

c) Must teach kids positional as well as conditional (earned) respect

2. Illus. Don’t side with the kid against authority unless you are sure the authority is wrong and that it will harm your kid.

3. Teach manners.

a) Manners help in creating respect for others

(1) Restaurant behavior vs. normal behavior

(2) Being mannerly forces you to treat others with respect that you might not otherwise give the time of day to

(3) Teach the use of Mr., Mrs. Miss, don’t let kids call adults by their first name except for names like Uncle John or Aunt Mary where the relationship tag is used as a mannerly designation

B. Parents must demand respect

C. Parents must model respect

D. Parents must not provoke their children

1. Even if they do, this does not absolve the child from the obligation to honor

2. This is where earned respect enters the picture.

a) As your kids get older, earned respect becomes more important

b) The positional respect wanes as children get older and think they know more

VI. Difficult Issues

A. What if my parents aren’t worthy of honor?

1. There are not qualifications to worthiness

a) Honor only if deserving

b) Honor only if they reciprocate

c) Honor only if it pleases you

d) Honor only if it gets you compliments

e) Honor only when you feel like it

f) Honor only if others do it

2. We are not commanded to love, but to honor

a) Some difficult situations where there is not love due to abuse, neglect, etc.

(1) Must still honor as best as you can

(2) Ennobling to give honor to position even when the actions do not warrant it

(3) Illus. Be respectful to the Office of President while not appreciating the reprehensible conduct that has gone

B. What if the relationship has been damaged or broken

1. Attempt to restore it as best as possible

2. Do not hold grudges

3. Honor the position even if you can’t honor the behavior