Adultery

Text: Exodus 20:14

Introduction:

· The 1631 edition of the King James Version became known as the “Wicked Bible” because of a typesetting error. It seems that the word ‘not’ was inadvertently left out, and left this verse reading ‘Thou shalt commit adultery.’ That was over 365 years ago, but it would seem that our society is following that version when it comes to adultery. May I go so far as to say that it is not only those who are spiritually ignorant who disregard God’s seventh commandment. It seems that this has transcended all spiritual lines and we find that adultery is nearly as common among those who name the name of Christ as it is among those who do not.

· One listener wrote the following story about having to explain this command. “I got to ‘Thou SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’ and as quick as I said it she asked, ‘What does that one mean, Mom?’ I chewed my lip a bit and thought about how I was going to tackle this one. But I got my thoughts together and began to try to explain when she stopped me abruptly grinning ear to ear, extremely proud to come up with the answer herself. ‘Oh wait, I know! It means to can't cut down an adult tree.’ I thought I was going to die. It was so cute and innocent--and of course I tactfully told her what it meant.”

· I remember when, at about the same age as this little girl, my father was annoyed with me for doing something naughty. I don't recall what I had done, but I remember my dad was fairly fed up. In a fit of frustration, he said something about leaving me in an orphanage if I didn't straighten up. I told him that he couldn't do that.

“And why not?” he retorted indignantly.

“Because,” I said triumphantly, “it is against the law!”

“And what law is that?”

“When parents leave kids somewhere it's called adultery!” I said.

I. The Present Situation

A. Society’s Views Have Eroded

Dr. Laura: “Our society is constantly redefining morality, and generally, it’s in a downward, permissive, nonjudgmental, self-focused, and self-centered direction.”

There is no question that our culture glamorizes, defends, and even promotes adultery. As Katie Roiphe described in an illuminating article in the New York Times Magazine (October 12, 1997), “... we've grown much more tolerant of adultery, at least when it comes to women. Women's magazines recommend it to their readers as a fun and healthy activity, like buying a new shade of lipstick, or vacationing in the Caribbean. In Elle we read that 'an affair can be a sexual recharging, an escape from a worn-out relationship, a way into something better.” Harper’s Bazaar breathlessly tells us about women whose marriages are improved by their affairs. Because they get their fill of rapture elsewhere these wives are not apt to complain or nag or find fault with their husband.” If a woman has an adulterous affair, she is, according to Harper’s Bazaar, ‘asserting her femininity.’”

A college professor was speaking on downsizing and then asked his class, “If you had to downsize the Ten Commandments, what would you cut out?” The overwhelming response was to do away with the command against adultery.

B. The Church’s View Has Eroded

The Reverend William A. Thompson from All Saints' Episcopal Church in California described such a situation: “It seems to me that there are far too many people in the Episcopal Church that think judging anybody’s actions as wrong is the worse sin! I personally, however, have taken a firm stand. There was a couple, who were parishioners, who separated due to the wife having an affair. Before any divorce the wife moved in with her lover. Unfortunately, there were three children involved. The wife made an appointment to talk with me about officiating at her wedding to this new stud. Besides being just flabbergasted, I, of course, said I would not. Then on Father's Day, the children were at church with their father. The wife (still just separated, not yet divorced) came to church that day, sat with the kids and brought her boyfriend/shackup with her. This I could not take. The following week I called on the woman and her lover and told them how inappropriate and awful this was. Neither of them got it. They said I was being nasty and judgmental. I then wrote her a letter saying that if she comes to church, it would not be spiritually healthy or appropriate to receive communion given the circumstance. They got mad and went to another Episcopal Church. At that church, the priest married them within six months without even calling me to find out the circumstances. So much for collegiality.”

The British newspaper The Sunday Times (November 16, 1997) reported that the Church of England's liturgical commission decided to remove the commandments from the holy communion service in the new millennium prayer book. “Philip Gore, a synod member for the Manchester diocese, said the decision reflected the church's fear that any kind of religious challenge will alienate congregations. Earlier this year, it emerged that the church had suffered its biggest drop in attendance for more than twenty years. ‘Many in the church do not want a God who makes too many demands of them,’ he said. Therefore, they want to dismiss the commandments as irrelevant to our modern age.”

C. Adultery reached epidemic proportions in Jeremiah's time

“Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not” (Jer. 7:9)
“For the land is full of adulterers; for because of swearing the land mourneth; the pleasant places of the wilderness are dried up, and their course is evil, and their force is not right.” (Jer. 23:10)

· “I have seen also in the prophets of Jerusalem an horrible thing: they commit adultery, and walk in lies: they strengthen also the hands of evildoers, that none doth return from his wickedness: they are all of them unto me as Sodom, and the inhabitants thereof as Gomorrah.” (Jer. 23:14)

II. An Overview of the Commandment

A. Definition

1. OT definition

a) It is any man having illicit relations with a married woman. Other illicit relationships were technically not adultery and were dealt with differently.

b) Rabbis generally take this command to refer to a man having illicit relations with a married woman or incest.

2. Christian definition

a) We tend to broaden the command to any illicit sexual relationship

b) The NT is strong in its denunciation of all types of sexual sin. Therefore, we lump them all into the 7^th Commandment.

The Los Angeles Times (March 1, 1998) published some interesting definitions of adultery submitted by readers. One definition: “Adultery is when you participate in the type of behavior with someone who is not your spouse¾and would not want your spouse to behave likewise with someone else.”

c) Jesus expanded the meaning of adultery to include the cultivation of lust:

"Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" Mt. 5:28

B. Its Application in the OT

1. The penalty was death

“If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.” (Deu. 22:22)

2. In the OT, very few were actually prosecuted for this crime

a) One reason is because it required two witnesses

b) Another reason may be the guilt of some involved

III. The Reasons For the Command

A. Adultery destroys the moral fabric of the home and society

1. It steals affection and love that should be directed to the family and gives it to someone else

2. It deals a blow to the ability of the child to honor his parents

a) Do you honor the biological father or the one in the home?

b) If a parent can’t keep a vow to a mate, why should the child honor the parent?

3. It causes an array of less than desirable family situations that adversely affect children

4. Illus. of David

a) Adultery led to a cover-up, which was followed by the murder of Bathsheba's husband

b) Nathan the prophet later came to David, accusing him of his sin and declaring that because of it, violence would become commonplace in David's household

c) One disaster after another struck his family, including rape, murder, and revolt

B. Adultery destroys the symbolism of marriage

1. The oneness or unity between a man and his wife is a picture of the relationship of God to the believer

2. When adultery is committed it destroys that oneness and it distorts the picture

C. Consequences

1. Personal

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” (Prov. 6:32)

· Sadly, according to a 1994 University of Michigan study, “infidelity is indeed the primary cause of divorce.” In support of that conclusion, Dr. Frank Pittman, an internationally renowned expert on sexuality and marriage and an author of a book on infidelity, reports in the same New York Times article that in thirty-seven years of practice as a therapist, he has encountered only two cases of first marriages ending in divorce in which adultery was not involved.

· Dr. Lana Staneli, author of a book on marital triangles, “Of those who break up their marriage to marry someone else, eighty percent are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only about ten percent, about seventy percent of them get another divorce. Of that twenty-five to thirty percent that stay married, only half of them are happy. Having an affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy.” (NET News Now, Washington, D.C., January 22, 1997)

2. Family

a) The kids are torn between their affection for two parents

b) The kids are taught that vows are not important

c) The kids are taught to do as they please, not what is best for those around

d) The kids are taught self is more important than family

3. National

a) Illegitimacy

b) Poverty

c) Crime rate increase in young people

IV. Guarding/Protecting Yourself

A. Understand the power of sexual temptation

1. It is the one temptation that is “built in”

a) It is a natural desire that must be controlled

b) It does not just “go away” like the momentary thought like “I wish he were dead”

2. Note James 1:14-15

“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”

a) Note the progression of temptation:

(1) Lust first begins in our minds

(2) Sin is the action based on our thoughts.

(3) Death is the result.

b) Sin will always take you farther than you meant to go…keep you longer than you want to stay…and cost you more than you want to pay!

B. Build Hedges

1. Protect yourself is the best defense

a) Whenever you must work with a lady, make it a threesome

b) Be careful about touching

c) Compliment clothes, not the person

d) Avoid flirtation or suggestive talk, even in jest

e) Remind your wife often of your love for her

f) Try not to bring work home

2. Be careful what you “feed on”

a) One listener wrote to Dr. Laura:

“It’s too easy when you are married to look for comfort elsewhere when trouble is occurring at home. Steps I personally took: didn't read romance novels for an 'unreal' image of life and love. I didn't watch soap operas for the same reason. I avoided programs, movies, or videos that condoned or glamorized adultery. Through my married life I've been attractive enough to get serious looks. I've been careful of how I dress. The words of my dad to his four daughters come back to me 'Don't advertise unless you have something to sell.' That scared me.”

b) The eye and ear are the gateways of the mind

C. Beware Excuses

Excuses for Adultery

· I love my wife and children and do not want a divorce, so it is better that I have an affair for the sake of my family.

· My husband is not fulfilling me sexually, so it is okay to find sexual satisfaction instead of divorcing my husband.

· I think my husband is being unfaithful, so there is nothing wrong with me having an affair.

· I wasn't looking for an affair¾it just happened.''

· We are soul mates.

· I have needs my spouse can't fulfill.

· I thought I was in love when I married¾but this is really the real thing.

· I've been under a lot of stress.

· She/he really understands me.