Guide to Sermon Delivery
When your point is weak, raise your voice
Raising your voice will hide a multitude of weak preparation. The principle works like this, when you have a good point, you will naturally emphasize it with extra decibels. Therefore, if you increase your volume when your point is weak, people will equate what you are saying with some of your better points. Most will never know the difference. A few will wonder what all the huff is about, but even they will tolerate your hot air
When in doubt, SHOUT!
This is a corollary to the above point. Volume works well in a culture enamored by image. If you say something long enough and loud enough people will believe it, even if it’s not true. When in doubt, SHOUT!
Good illustrations (ones that make people cry, feel good) don’t need to relate to the sermon
Forget what they taught in homiletics class, good illustrations do not need to tie into the sermon. Contrary to what you think, people do not remember your sermon, they remember your good illustrations. A year later they will remember a tear-jerking story but won’t be able to remember one point of last week’s sermon. Therefore, tell a lot of good stories that evoke a lot of emotion. The more tears the better. The greater the victory, the more outlandish the circumstances, the better. Ground your people on stories they will remember, not on Scripture they will forget.
On a three-point sermon, loosen your tie after the first point
This is a must if you are really into your sermon. You can’t relate the "rest of the story" with a noose around your neck. You need to stop the restrictive blood flow to your head so that you can have at least one good thought for the rest of your sermon.
On a three-point sermon, take your coat off after the second point
This is a visual clue that your sermon is almost over and that you sincerely believe what you are saying. When the coat comes off people know that you are getting down to business. There are several tried-and-true techniques for making the most of this simple gesture. In the nonchalant oh-by-the-way method, you remove your coat while relating mundane material and calmly fling your coat onto the pew behind you. Then, after the coat calmly lands, you launch into an animated tirade on whatever subject you happen to be hacking about.
The second technique for removing your coat is the pacer’s pass. Here you pace from one side of the stage to the other while delivering your sermon. As the intensity grows so does the speed of your pacing, ultimately working you into a full-blown sweat. Then, as the climax is reached, you shed your coat throwing it on the pew behind you.
In the third method, you begin ranting and raving about your subject. In fact, you get so angry that you remove your coat and use it like a whip, slapping the floor several times. Of course, you only use this technique with older, worn out suits. No need to ruin an Armani just to make a point.
One final way to shed your coat and make the most out of it is to ask permission, "Do you mind if I remove my coat? It’s a little warm in here and I’m just getting started." No one ever objects and everyone’s attention becomes riveted again as they are expecting things to get more exciting.
Say "A-Haaaaa" at least 15 times during the sermon
This is an audible clue to your congregation that lets them know it is time to say "Amen" or "preach it brother." The more "a-haaa’s" that you insert into the sermon, the more your congregation will punctuate your sermon. Remember, just as you had to be taught punctuation in school, so too, you must teach your congregation to "punctuate" your sermons. A prerequisite to good hacking is prolific punctuation. AMEN!
Emphasize ending consonants
Final consonants must always end with emphasis. Over pronunciation is a must if you are to really preach it. Only sissified sermonettes neglect this cardinal rule of sermon delivery.
All monosyllable names of Deity must be spoken as if they were two syllable words
Never say "God" or "Lord" but "Go-od" and "Lo-ord." This is how Hacker’s show proper respect for the names of God.
Don’t speak naturally, but "hackerly."
Hackers have a distinct style that separates them from and makes them a cut above their peers. The hacker style can be learned, even imitated successfully. Therefore we suggest that you purchase The Hacker Preaching Imitation Kit developed by some of the greatest hackers of all time and used at leading Hacker universities. The kit uses the tried and proven methods used by many of the most renowned hackers. It is guaranteed to make you into a real hacker or your money back. The kit contains a video with clips of your favorite hackers demonstrating the tricks of the trade, 4 cassettes with hacker vocal exercises, and a study guide with coloring pages, The Hacker’s Guide to Sermon Delivery, and The Hacker’s Guide to Sermon Preparation. This kit can be yours for the low price of $29.95. Send check or money order to:
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77 Amen Lane
Hackersville, IN 47711
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